test post

I'm outside having a little cancer moment, under the ugly yellow lamppost that washes out everything in a kind of sickly glow, when I hear what has to be the loneliest sound in the world.

It's like it's coming from inside me, distilling everything I've thought about this past fortnight. I think about the balancing act with the dishes that have to keep spinning or they fall. Just when you save a pair, another two or four shatter at your feet.

I love breaking noises but not in that context.

I listen to the coyote's sad wavery song a little longer before going back in.

why is this blankness so intimidating? i just filled three pages of college-ruled note paper this morning!
sadly, if i had less of a life, this page might have more vitality.
part of the reason behind that too is i'm a little timid---and this is sooo obviously my site. mine. how many people know i'm oedalis? i made it my freaking domain! what was i thinking?? its too searchable now. maybe i should get a new name? how openly can i discuss the details of my life here when anyone i know can find this place?
wow. i didn't use to care but that was when i was talking about close friends. now that new people have come into my life...well, they're real promising "close friend" prospects but if they were to find that i dissected them here...well how would you feel if someone you just met discussed the details of that meeting on their blog that you just happened to stumble on?
wouldn't it be awkward? i mean would you bring it up?
ehhh...this is all kinda...eehhyaah...